Who’s on Your Personal Board of Directors?
Do you have a personal Board of Directors? Years ago, my friend Una was telling me about a woman she admired and trusted to give solid, objective, if unsolicited, advice. "She's a member of my personal Board of Directors," she said. I replied that she was a mentor, and Una shook her head. “She’s more than that.”
A Personal Board of Directors is a group of carefully vetted individuals who help one manage life, advising (sometimes without even trying) on high-level decisions that are in one’s best interest.
Each member of the Personal Board of Directors aligns with and/or adheres to the following principles:
Diverse expertise and perspective
Strategic focus on one's long-term success
Clear roles and responsibilities
Constructive trust
Commitment and engagement
Balanced oversight
Growth mindset
Often, personal board members don’t even know they’ve been assigned. Some are lifers, while others roll on and off. Engagement is key to being a successful personal board member, but regardless of how long they sit on the Board, their impact is lasting. At a minimum, action items are logged and linger in the mental minutes archive, but in many cases, board member work is life changing—no doubt acknowledged with a nameplate on wood plaque that hangs in our soul’s lobby.
Guidelines:
Personal board members mustn't be alike. A strong Board will range in age, experience, and perspective. Wisdom comes in many forms, and I have never subscribed to the absolute that age equates to knowing more about life.
Members must not participate in day-to-day operations. Instead, they hover, drone-like, from way up high. They see the bigger picture, not what I should make for dinner. For this reason, my husband is not a candidate for my personal Board, nor am I on his. He's my partner, and partners are in the weeds, so spouses are not eligible.
Personal board members are constructively honest about the big stuff, even if I have to bang on their door. I invite members with a "yes" outlook who aren't "yes" people, meaning they don't agree with me just because it's easy to do.
For example, I recently told one of my personal board members that I was launching a podcast. She was quiet for a second and then gently asked me why I would want to do that while I write another book. "Won't it take time away from your writing?” She said. “Don’t you want to focus on one thing at a time?"
I told her I wanted to connect with people, produce some inspiring content, and write the book. We hit the ball back and forth for a while, and once I reported a few of the folks I had in mind for my People-Inspired Podcast, she thumbed it up. I didn’t need my mother’s approval for this new project, but I loved our board-level discussion on a bench under a live oak tree because it encouraged me to think about the unintended consequences of tackling another storytelling medium. I will need to prioritize my time—noted—but I’m still excited about giving it a try.
I've been thinking about the mother-mentor lately, maybe because it is May and Mother’s Day is almost here. I'm lucky—my mom has been a strong mentor to me and countless other women, but she wasn't always on my Personal Board of Directors. The mother-daughter relationship is an odyssey with two sailors on different oceans where, like most things, resilience and timing matters.
How many moms are on their kids' Personal Board of Directors? Not all “kids” can handle the thirty-thousand-foot parent perspective after years of living under thumb, and not all moms want to be on their kids' personal Board of Directors for pretty much the same reason. It doesn't mean they aren't practical, sound, or loving parents or the kids are unwelcoming. It just means all are engaged differently, and that's perfectly okay.
What's guaranteed about all mothers is they leave us with sticky notes we never pull off the refrigerator door like recipes for tuna casserole, a love of Carly Simon, or idioms we never understand like why the devil is beating his wife behind the kitchen door. They remind us how to fold a towel or use a fork, to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously, to never put the cart before the horse, and that there are gobs of fish in the sea, so don't keep fishing for the ones that hide or try to eat you. Stick with the ones who swim close and feel safe.
For those who miss your moms or grand moms, I remind you to reflect on the granules they have given us, adding balance and texture to who we are. They don’t have to be on our personal Board of Directors to give us that.
In 2022, as part of our Common Wealth of Kentucky Project, Kelly, Jill, and I interviewed seventy people from all walks of life, and almost all of them referenced one or both of their parents or a mentor who pushed or inspired them in some way. I wish I had thought to ask each one of our participants who was on their Personal Board of Directors and why.
So that's what I’m going to do with my new People-Inspired Podcast, and in honor of Mother’s Day, I'm kicking it off with a reprise of The Common Wealth of Mothers, a five-minute, inspiring montage from Common Wealth of Kentucky participant interviews with, in order of voice: Betty Spain, Shelby Bale, Kate Harper, Jim Gray, Marcos Valdes, Jon Carloftis, Brian McCarty, Shannon Latham, Bill Samuel, Jr., Gentille Ntakarutimana, and Clayton Mullins.
LISTEN HERE to some relatable, sweet, and inspiring stories, and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. It’s interesting people telling stories about interesting people who inspired them. More coming soon.
